The UnCowgirl: Being Friends with Your Ex’s Ex

A few nights ago, I was watching a movie with some girlfriends in my apartment, and during a pause the conversation turned to a small statue one of my friends picked up last year. It’s an African-esque statue of a man, fully nude and in full, um, regalia (it made our male friends uncomfortable, so we sewed a loincloth for it this year). Why do we have this? I think someone gave it to her. I’m not really sure.

But one of the girls over was Mr. Big’s serious girlfriend in high school and our first year of college, and she and I are now friends.

They broke up in the summer and we started dating in December, and she was hung up on him for probably a year after that. We have the same major and the same friends and had been pretty good friends before I started dating Big – for more than a year, she refused to speak to me or acknowledge my existence. I get that, I do. Since we started speaking again, we’ve been friends for the most part, with a few minor fallings out over various things (mostly dealing with him).

Well, to draw the statue back into the story, another friend mentioned that older naked status have smaller male genitalia in order to make the “real thing” more impressive. Is this true? I have no idea, nothing to back this up. But it does make a little sense, I think.

So, being the genius I am, I said, “Oh, I was always kind of curious about why they were like that. It just seems…I mean…uh…it’s just…you know…you hear things.”

Eek! Ack! Carp!

Bear in mind that I go to a religiously-affiliated school and I’m not supposed to know about such things.

No one else caught on to the idiocy except Big’s ex. She knew exactly what I was talking about. I glanced at her for a second and knew that she knew, and I couldn’t bring myself to keep looking at her. She knew that I knew about such things, because she knows about such things. We know about such things with the same person.

Well, how awkward is that?

Perhaps it would’ve been better if we’d laughed it off instead of creating such thick tension in the room. Well, that’s not what we did. It got super awkward between us for a brief minute, until we all started paying attention to the movie again.

How do you deal with this situation? We’re friends and we both know each other’s general goings-on with Mr. Big. I mean, I know more of hers than she knows of mine just because she dated him first, but I still think she probably has a pretty good idea. We’ve never talked about him – it’s just unspoken between us (pun not intended).

Is the best path really just to carry on as we are, pretending neither one of us ever dated him? Oh, and to make matters worse, they are friends, if that means anything. It’s not like there’s any weird love triangle or anything between us. It’s just awkward sometimes when there are moments like the one with the statue.

What’s a girl to do? Until I figure something better out, I guess we’ll just keep being friends for as long as we have all of our classes together. She graduates in December, so after that I doubt we’ll keep up our friendship, but still. For the next almost four months, how should I act?

All my love,


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