“Bones” is back!

Fuck clowns. Seriously. Fuck them.

A., they’re creepy as shit. B., one killed my hopes and dreams for last night’s “Bones” premiere.

That having been said, I can accurately describe my feelings toward the ep in one word: Satisfied.

Cyndi Lauper guested as Angela’s psychic, Avalon Harmonia, who is connected to their case. She absolutely nailed Booth and Brennan when she read their tarot cards. During the course of the episode, she establishes that Booth loves Brennan, who knows Booth loves her but is afraid of falling in love. Harmonia also reveals a detail both Booth and Brennan exclude in their retelling of the dream/deleted book: Brennan’s pregnancy. And Harmonia tells Booth not to worry; he didn’t lose something during the operation, rather he gained something. (Obviously the knowledge of his feelings for Brennan.)

Booth finally tries to admit his feelings toward Brennan to Cam, who interrupts him with “You love Dr. Brennan.” She encourages him to tell her, cautioning “Be sure about your feelings, because if you crack that shell and change your mind, she’ll die of loneliness before she’ll ever trust anyone ever again.” And Cam is absolutely correct.

Then Booth gets all awkward about talking to Brennan. And poor already-awkward Brennan is lost. And Hodgins moves into Zack’s old office. Awww.

And cue Sweets, the party pooper. He shows Booth PET scans of his brain before his operation and during his “coma.” The area of the brain that controls love and arousal was lit up like a Christmas tree during the coma and have been since then. Sweets surmises that Booth’s feelings aren’t real and will wear off like all of his other post-op symptoms. (Like I said, total party pooper.)

Booth goes to see Harmonia, who tells him (again) that he loves Brennan and that Brennan is in trouble in that very moment. Surprise surprise, Brennan decided to go do some investigating on her own and is indeed in trouble. A doctor tied to the case is attacking her. She gets hurt, but Booth ends up saving her. It was real cute.

After she’s fixed up, Brennan — who clearly learned nothing from going it alone and getting attacked — ventures to Harmonia’s alone. But it was fine and produced two of my favorite lines of the ep:

Harmonia: “How are you feeling?”
Brennan: “Well, they gave me medication, so I feel how I imagine people of average intelligence feel all the time.”

And:

Harmonia: “The riddle you can’t solve is how somebody could love you.”
Brennan: “Well, I’m beautiful and very intelligent.”

Harmonia nails details from Brennan’s childhood and reveals what Brennan knows deep down: Booth loves her and he knows it.

Booth takes Brennan out and is awkward. He wants to tell her something. We all know what it is. Poor Brennan has NO idea. Just as Booth is about to say those three words we’ve all been waiting for when A GOD DAMN CLOWN walks up and squirts Booth in the face.

Instead of shooting the clown, Booth laughs. Then he and Brennan realize that was a side-effect of the brain surgery. So, doubting the legitimacy of his feelings, Booth cops out by saying “I love you……………….. in an attagirl kinda way.”

BAH.

And to make matters worse, they couldn’t prove their No. 1 suspect killed the victims. Instead, they heap trumped-up charges on him that will put him away for at least 100 years. Harmonia sums it up with “Sometimes you have to settle for the second-best situation.”

Harmonia then points out that Booth and Brennan are going to carry on the same way. Booth answers with “Sometimes you have to settle with the second-best situation.” He and Harmonia smile knowingly and Harmonia assures Booth and Brennan that her tarot cards say this works out eventually. Booth gets it and is happy. Brennan, of course, was lost only seconds into the conversation.

All in all, I liked it. It bothered me that they didn’t solve the case, but I also liked that the case was second to the storyline. Speaking of storyline: What happened to Angela and Hodgins’ drama? We can’t act like the past two seasons didn’t happen, guys. I’ll be seriously pissed if that doesn’t rear it’s oft-ugly head in the next episode.

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